The Day I Read the Milk Price to the Herd
I read the weekly dairy price report aloud in the barn every Wednesday, and the herd started applauding at the cheese part.
Every Wednesday the dairy price reports come out, and I have a habit of reading them in the barn because the house is too quiet and the cows are too polite to leave. I started it as a way of memorizing the numbers. I stood on an overturned bucket and read each line out loud in my best radio voice, mostly the Class prices and the butter, with the cows chewing and staring into the middle distance like a congregation during a long sermon.
One Wednesday I pulled up the USDA Dairy Market News report and read it from top to bottom, including the part on cheese blocks, which is the dullest part, and I did a little voice for it. When I finished, the cow nearest me, Dolores again, let out a long low moo that was as clear a sign of approval as I have ever received from a creature that weighs fourteen hundred pounds. The rest of the barn joined in. It lasted about a minute.
I told my wife at supper that I had been applauded by the herd. She said that sounded like the cows were hungry. I said no, it was exactly at the end of the cheese report. We argued about it until the dishes were done. The next Wednesday I read it again and got the same applause at the same place. I began to suspect that the cows liked the numbers and especially the cheese blocks, which I understand is more than I can say for most economists.
So the reading is a weekly ritual now. Neighbors drop by to listen, and at least once a month a visitor asks to read the butter section. The herd accepts guest readers with a fair hearing but gives its biggest ovation only for me. I take it as a professional honor. Few men in Hereford can say they have been cheered by their own livestock, and fewer still for a report on the price of cheese. The herd's other favorite is country lyrics, which I read in a lower voice.
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